The News Cook

One main hindrance for students of Samskritam is the "gender" of the word. Is it "aascharyam" or "aascharyaH"? Is it "pAtram" or "pAtraH"? The main problem is only with akaArAnta puMlinga and napumsakalinga. The strIlinga and non-akAranta can usually guessed with our background knowledge of our mother tongues. The problem happens since our Samskritam learning is based on knowledge apriori. It used to be the practice to learn the nAmalinga-anushAsana, ie the amarakosha - the thesaurus of Samskritam words committed to memory before learning much of grammar. The amarakosha pretty much provides a guidance on gender of words, which becomes easier to grasp later on. We do not learn amarakosha now, instead we straight-way try to reason out why a word is in what gender. Add to this our knowlege of other Indian languages, where the words may have morphed. For example, kriShNaH, yogaH - all have become almost feminine-like AkArAnta in Tamil (kriShnA, yogA) or in Hindi, where the akArAnta has disappeared. The improper learning technique yields to misunderstanding the language for its difficulty.

No matter how much comfort you get buying books online and reading reviews, there is nothing like visiting the local brick and mortar bookshop, drinking coffee and reading some books, which you might never want to buy. The world history or reference books come under this category for me. Reading through the history books, we repeatedly come across the term "dark ages". But it was only Europe, unlike Southeast Asia, who was in dark ages for about 12 centuries. She started tasting intellectualness around 15th century and the period after that produced several European philosophers - Francis Bacon, Spinoza, Hegel, Voltaire, Nietzche, Kant, Schopenhauer - each describing their world view with their own new found logic. A few agreed with each other, but many mostly disagreed. Many philosophic context words were invented or redefined, almost a new vocabulary was required by the end of it all. But nobody was as direct as Schopenhauer put it. Kant, despite his brilliant work, beat around the bush a lot, what could have been said in a few words. Unlike Kant, Arthur Schopenhauer in his "World as will and representation" starts off with a sutram-like definition - "The world is my view". He goes on to declare in his introduction that if the reader is not acquainted with Vedanta, he/she would hardly understand his own work. After many definitions and redefinitions of logic, it is interesting to observe that logic is, in fact, illogical.

That's how yudhiShTra responds to a question by yakSha, in the world's first Jeopardy! The yakSha prashna episode is a collection of questions where the gender of a word can be quickly glanced upon. While the questions are simple, the answers are quite extra-ordinary. Just like the modern Jeopardy, yakSha hurls questions from an extremely wide range of categories - physics, cosmology, material sciences, spirituality, dharma, psychology, behaviour, sobriquets, abstracts, concepts, geography and what not! yudhiShTra's responses are equally varying and astonishing: material things are compared against concepts, hypothetical questions are answered with technical acumen, abstract questions are put into context with solid references. It is impossible for a non-advanced civilization to come up with answers like "Mother is heavier than Earth" or "Dharma protects the one who protects it". Many answers seem anti-modern-science in a casual reading, but a thorough understanding of words, etymology and context are necessary to correctly interpret them.

Towards the end yakSha asks two very simple questions. yudhiShTra's responses to these stretches the mind beyond imagination, takes it to exosphere and suddenly drops off like a hot potato in astonishment and disbelief, only not to parachute-land but crash back into senses. You kind of get the feeling of a jolt at halting suddenly after a wild thrill ride.

कः पन्थाः ? asks yakSha. "What is the road?" I would have just asked back "To where?".

तर्क: अप्रतिष्ट: श्रुतयो विभिन्ना: न एको ऋषि: यस्य मतम् प्रमाणम् ।
धर्मस्य तत्त्वं निहितम् गुहायाम् महाजनो येन गतः स पन्थाः ॥

Yudhishtra's first utterance is "tarkaH apratiShTaH". A quote on which vyAkhyAna can be done for hours I guess. "Logic is baseless". Logic has been the considered the greatest employment of human intellect since Aristotle, Plato down to the European philosophers, who have spent their lifetime only in logic. But Yudhishtra dismisses it curtly - Logic is limited, baseless and cannot be relied upon.

"srutayo vibhinnAH" - vedA-s say different things! "na eko rShiH yasya matam pramANam" - There is not a single rishi whose word is an authority! Its just a poetic way of expressing that vedA-s are interpreted differently and every rishi worth his beard has an opinion. "dharmasya tattvam nihitam guhAyAm". The truth about dharma is hidden in a deep cave! What the Huh? Where did dharma come from? What does it have to do with logic or vedas or roads? Each rishi is attempting to explain what is "dharma", but nobody has a single opinion about it and nobody really knows what dharma is. And then he finally ties them all beautifully - "mahAjano yena gataH saH panThaH" - the road travelled by great people is the one to follow (for mokSha)! The great ones have already figured it out, you just follow the road paved by them. yakSha was not even asking about a physical road! That is the fault of translation or misunderstanding of contexts. Even in English we use the term "Road to the future" or "Path to the future", but that is not what striked us first!

Then comes a final punch, a seemingly innocuous question, the one that we ask everyday and get mind numbing answers from TV, media, google, facebook and so many leaking outlets of information bombarding us from all around. Ironically, thats the last question yakSha asks -  का वार्ता ? - "What is the news?"

And next time when you turn on the Weather channel, remember yudhiShTra's answer, it will make you cringe like an invisible spec of dust in a massive tornado:

अस्मिन् महामोहमये कटाहे सूर्याग्निना रात्रिदिव इन्धनेन ।
मास ऋतु दर्वी परिघट्टनेन भूतानि काल: पचति इति वार्ता ॥

asmin mahaa-moha-maye kaTaahe - In the frying pan of ignorance of this world, using the Sun as fire (sUrya agninA), day and night as fuels (ratri diva indhanena - the word "Indane" - the Indian lpg/oil/gas company comes from the word indhana "fuel"), with seasons as the ladle (mAsa-rtu-darvI-parighattanena), kAlaH (the time), pacati (cooks) bhuTAni - the living beings.

Yes. Time puts us all in ignorance-coated non-stick tawa and keeps cooking us like papad - when done, takes us and tosses aside, puts the new papad in.

This is the news.

Strike three and you are in

One of the most difficult performances of Tom Hanks must have been the movie Cast Away. Imagine a lush island, turquoise sea, heavenly beach, fine sand, a noisy crew and good food all around you. And yet he has to act like a lonely man for the best part of 2 hours of the movie. The movie was pretty boring, except for one poignant scene, where the protagonist after returning back to civilization, looks unbelievably at a lighter. Hanks' expressions in that scene are brilliant yet subdued. (I wonder what Shivaji Ganesan would have done in that scene). Anyway, in the island, he discovered "fire" on his own after several attempts and kept the fire going. But here, a simple lighter did the job.

Have you paused to think when you tried to strike a light with a match-stick a few times, but it does not light up? You know it will. There is no loss of heart, frustration or despondency when a simple match stick does not light up the first few times. But then, you re-adjust the match box, the stick, your fingers gripping slightly a bit tighter, your mind focusing on it a little  more intently, strike hard once more, only this time, the stick lights up.

When the Yamunotrii 2013 campaign was going on, several people subtly wondered the need for a residential camp, when the regular classes and weekend workshops are happening, which gives a better time management than a "whole weekend" camp. When the registrations only trickled, at one point of time even I was questioning myself the need for a residential camp. Are we thrusting an event into minds of people? Is there a false sense of achievement of learning Samskritam over a weekend? Can Samskritam be appreciated in one day, which has enough literature for a jIva to go through in multiple janma-s? Is Samskritam really important for a jIva, whose ultimate sAdhanA is mokSha? Can the flip of the switch happen just like that?

The last question is the easiest to answer. We have heard from the biographies of great achievers that that flip of the switch or what I call the strike of the match does happen. For some like Pattinathar, Purandhara Dasa, Tulasidas, Ramana Maharishi such a strike happened in a single moment. But for some, like Swami Vivekananda, whose 150th birth anniversary is being celebrated this year, the light happened after a few strikes.

For the rest of the questions, I searched for the answers in the camp itself. The camp is not exactly about learning Samskritam. It is not possible to learn a language in one weekend. It is about an immersive experience, that people all around you are talking, thinking and arguing about Samskritam. I have been to several technical conferences, but almost always have come back with none wiser than before. May be a few contacts, a few made in China gifts and a good amount of advertisers spamming my email after the event. But conferences are really about an experience of being there and hearing and listening only about the subject matter all the time. We often use the word "mandiram" for temple. I like the word "aalayam" better, because the word implies the "coming together of all minds". The similarity in thought all around you makes the neurons spike the voltages more frequent to excite that first strike.

Learning Samskritam is just like learning any other subject. Books can provide information, but they cannot explain the abstractness of knowledge. Books can provide a structure, but they not communicate a thought process. One of the classes was about sup vibhakti-s. The word was मित्रम् (friend) and question put to students was why मित्रेण सह is in तृतीया-विभक्तिः. Note that the question is not what is the तृतीया-विभक्तिः एक वचनम् of मित्रम्, but why मित्रेण सह  itself is in तृतीया-विभक्तिः. Why not मित्रम् सह or मित्रस्य सह? After various guesses, one of the students quizzically said "otherwise, it doesnt sound right?". Yes. That's the closest answer one can get. Grammar does not drive a language. Grammar is derived from a language and then it provides a scaffold to the language. That experience of abstractness of knowledge is the second strike.

Pretty much all the interpretations of the vaidika dharma accept that mokSha is the ultimate goal. How mokSha is defined is a different question. But to attain mokSha, sAdhana is important and for sAdhana, the tool is equally important. How much ever you try to light up holding that matchstick inversely, you are not going to succeed. For those who think that gIta, stotram-s and other Samskritam texts are a tool, the realization that the tool must be understood correctly without usage of any other monkey-spanner, is the third strike.

When we were campaigning about the event, I remarked a bit pessimistically to my fellow kArya-kartA Srini Raghavan that those who decided would have already registered and those who are undecided most likely wont. But he replied quite enthusiastically, "Im not worried about people who are not into learning Samskritam. Im looking for people who want to speak Samskritam, but who may regret that they missed an opportunity by not knowing about a way to learn it".

Indeed. In fact, I would have counted myself one among them. I'm in. Are you?.

Yamunotrii 2013 v3.0

So its Spring time again in Austin! Well there was practically no winter this time. Its been Spring weather all January and all jiva-raashin's around here seem to be thoroughly confused about the weather pattern. We, humans blame the global warming. And the animals and trees are blaming the humans.

But the Texas Samskrita Bharati folks couldn't be bothered. Yamunotrii is releasing its 3rd version in the end of first quarter of 2013 (Mar 29, 2013) and we hope, like software releases, could make a much bigger impact than our previous releases. We have learnt a lot, both in and from the previous camps. Whether it is the pressure of organizing a non-profit event, joy of sharing knowledge, learning from some of the best teachers, pride of getting back to one's roots via Samskritam, enjoying timely spicy food and filtered coffee,  poking fun in the creative skits, wondering at the stars of the dark night skies  or simply hanging out with friends and families than doing anything better - it has been part of the memory now.

Come monday, most of us in the office face one question from anybody around - "How was your weekend?" and the replies are pretty much standard "Twas ok", "Twas fun", "Nothing much" or "Crazy". Well, how about this one Monday, Apr 1st 2013, you could say "I did something I never ever did in my life! I spoke in Samskritam for one whole weekend". Sounds Fun and Crazy? It is possible.

Version 3.0 promises to be fresher with volunteers coming up with creating ways of engaging people and making understand the importance of Samskritam in our day-to-day life. Its really a hard question to answer and at the end of it all, there is only word: passion.

Learning Samskritam is two-edged benefit. You learn for your own benefit and Samskritam benefits from you learning it and enriching it in turn. That's how languages develop and survive.

There have been students who accidentally sat in my beginner's class, or just curious to come and watch what's going on - and went on to complete the correspondence courses and become familiar with Siddhanta Kaumudi or see a different face of Patanjali.

Well one thing is for sure. There is no better time than now to learn Samskritam. There is no proper time than now, that Samskritam needs you.

Your support to Samskritam will make a difference. To YOU. To your Family. To Samskritam.

For more details visit http://www.samskritabharatiusa.org and follow links to Yamunotrii 2013.

Here is a very thought-provoking writeup by my friend and fellow volunteer Srini Raghavan, straight from the heart.

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by Srini Raghavan, Austin, Feb 2013

Sometimes, by accident or by design, opportunity strikes that can enrich your life and strengthen your wish. The wish can be transformed in to a meaningful journey with a reachable destination- provided you have support and education. When you get both in a fun-filled, joyous and a friendly environment, it can become a savoring moment to share with your friends and family. If it is taken to a higher level, it can be a life changing experience altogether.

With the Spring coming soon, we are having a Samskritam Family weekend camp coming soon.

This is a rare chance be a character in the revival story of your own language "Samskritam" ; and have a good time along the way without shedding a drop of sweat ! Please do not miss the fun and regret.  Reward yourself by trying something different from the mundane activities of visiting malls, shopping for groceries, watching TV ,attending potlucks or parties.

Let us make an attempt to answer a few questions that some of you might have now.

It is quite common to see many people living far-away from their homeland feel the need of a strong cultural support system - which they can call their own. Language is the path that provides an access to cultural heritage- be it material, intellectual or spiritual. Samskritam is the path that makes the  journey safe and enjoyable.

Any language that is more than a mere collection of sound symbols has the power to give an individual- his own identity. Come and join us to become aware of what is yours.  Speak in  Samskritam,  a language where each word is packed with knowledge, beauty, precision and represents the finest aspect of a glorious civilization.  When you speak, think, play and embrace your own language as yours, it is like a lost child returning to one's own mother. Give her a hug, who is waiting for you with hope. She has been yours forever. Come back and take your mother with you, without abandoning her.

That is when identity fuels honorable and happy existence.

We are sure that even a glimpse of such experience is of significant value to those living in a diversified or in a melting-pot environment. There is a risk of losing oneself; or just be that one amorphous foggy entity who goes unnoticed ; or be lost in the multitude of differences and become just another unidentifiable particle of huge melting pot.

Samskritam is a uniting force against disintegration and a binding glue for integration. Use it to be who you want to be.

All of you are cordially invited.

Some of  you have attended the camp before. You know how good it is and we welcome you again to offer you even better experience.

The linguistic creamed milk

There are sweets and there are sweets. It is the envy of every NRI, whose friend returns from India after attending sumptuous weddings or festivities, and enumerates the different sweets that were devoured. How many different milk-based sweets and flavors! So much so that, the states are known based on the milk-sweet based identity - whether it is doodh-peda from gujarat or rasagolla from bengal or a simple paayasam from the south.

Amongst all, I would say the poor-man's-king-of-sweet is the "thiratti-paal", literally "condensed milk". Usually it is called "khoa", but the process of preparing them are different. Probably every Indian mom has made this at home. With just 2 to 3 ingredients (milk, curd and sugar or ghee), but a relatively elaborate process of making it, thiratti-paal was sometimes more sought after in our family, matched only by Venky's laddu. Even though all it requires is just to boil the milk and carefully adding curd, getting the right amount of sweetness is an art form. Hasty adding of the curd or letting the cream stick to the bottom of the vessel can quickly spoil the taste. And the best sweets are those that can be savored for a long time without feeling the excessiveness of sugar.

Human mind is remarkably capable of remembering information in summaries and at the same time processing and expounding a piece of information into elaborate details. Honestly speaking, we really do not know how the mind does it. Many of you may remember such exercises from your high school literature classes: analyze and write a detailed essay on the character of Macbeth OR write a short summary of what you learnt from the "crow took the vada from the daadi-ma" story.

The fact that mind can zip information to remember and also unzip information by "filling-in" the gaps, is by itself quite a remarkable talent. No better it is seen than in children, especially toddlers, when they light up to summarize what they learnt, capturing the most interesting and vocal sound-bits. What you also notice is that the larger the information, the less-juicy details tend to quickly get lost and only the meaty and essential stuff reflect in the brains.

Lets take an example: If I mention the words - crow, vada and fox, you can pretty much make up a whole story based on that. Obviously you know the story already, but even if you dont, you can make up a story based on related information that you already know. Another example: "West side story". You might not immediately know the story, but if I just throw in the words "like Romeo and Juliet", a story unfolds in your mind pretty much immediately.

So how small can the information be, in order to not lose its purpose, yet be meaningful enough to expound ?

This was the question that likely tormented our ancient rishis, who were at ease versifying the known and the unknown into musical chandas. Thus came into existence - the "sutram" format that carried the smallest possible information, without losing its context and meaning. It is one of the most remarkable linguistic inventions ever to assist humans remember and retain information with the highest fidelity, that has shaped hinduism and the culture of India. This format has been thoroughly analyzed, distilled, nurtured and turned into an art form by its exponents. It is like several gallons of milk boiled to a handful of cream, carefully adding words only when its imperative. Just like the thiratti-paal, condensing the material unto itself, to extract the sweetness out of it.

For some reason, we are suckers for who those end up in the top. Top 5 songs of the week, top 10 beaches, top 10 smartphones, top 10 poisonous animals, top 20 most powerful people - the list of "tops" are endlessly written and forgotten. Even Samskrita Literature is not spared of this - we do have a "Top 5" in the Sanskrit literature - the pancha-mahA-kAvya: abhijnaana-sakuntalam, raghu-vamsa, kiraataarjuniyam, naishadhiya-caritam and shishupala-vadham. Well, it has been in top 5 for the last 1500 years.

But why stop with just the kavya-literature? I'm partially pained that no one has come up with the "Top 5 sutrams". But whats stopping us, lets come up with our own list!

#5: इको यण् अचि | iko yaN aci | 

This sutram is in our 5th place in the list for two reasons: a) the amount of specific information conveyed in about 5 syllables is equivalent to creating an 8x13 sandhi matrix b) the sutram consists entirely of pratyAhAra-s - which in turn is an encoding of about 25 aksharas.

Panini has come up with several such sutrams, but due to the massive popularity amongst vayyakaraNa-s for quoting this sutram at the drop of the hat, this is our 5th best sutram of the .. err.. last three thousand years.

#4: वृद्धिरादैच् | vriddhiraadaic | 

Yet another gem from Panini, who attempts a technical sutram and managala-sutram at the same time, keeping his promise to be as short as possible. vriddhiH-aat-aic, though technically defining the word "vriddhiH" to be equivalent to aa, ai and au, also conveys that "let there be a vriddhi of this work".

A rare clever pun on both technical and business purposes at the same time, Panini's first sutram of aShTAdhyAyI gets our 4th best.

#3: अथातो ब्रह्म जिज्ञासा | athāto brahma jijñāsā | 

Coming in at number 3, is "the time to enquire about truth". So starts bAdarAyaNa vyAsa in his weaving of formidably cryptic brahma-sutram. The sutrams that have at least given rise to three widely different "matha-s" - from "all is brahman" to "jiva and brahman are fundamentally different", it occupies the foremost place in the "prasthAna-trayI" triplet of intellectual expositions. Similar to the technology world, where no one is an architect unless he/she has a few white papers to his/her credit, no one is a philosopher unless he has written a bhAShyam on brahma-sutram, upanishad-s and bhagavad-gita. The brahma-sutram has fundamentally shaped the philosophy of the Hindus in a very subtle, yet deep way.

#2: योगश्चित्त वृत्ति निरोध: | yogashchitta-vritti-nirodhaH | 

The West have taken over Yoga. Or so it seems. Though yoga is not "owned" by the East, there is a disconcerting wave of misinterpretation about yoga. Fancily-named or self-named yoga techniques have flooded the markets in the last few decades. In the United States alone, yoga is conservatively estimated to be a $6 billion dollar industry. The only ever prop I ever had, when I learnt yoga in India, was an old blanket. Compared to the props available in the modern market, it is very clear that yoga has been stretched for its popularity. I wonder why no one has yet come up with the pricing model of "pay-per-pranayama" - you know, just like the cloud-based models, where you pay per GB or CPU cycle. I'm sure the pricing models like "25 prANAyAma-s per dollar", "two free breath-ins for every breath-out" or "early bird sign ups will get an extra arm twist" will be a run-away hit.

So much ignorance is perpetuated that the original definition of yoga is completely sidelined. Yoga is translated into "union", which is probably the farthest explanation from being anything meaningful.

For giving a mind-blowingly precise definition of yoga, which is the exact opposite of yoga-marketing, namely "Yoga is the cessation of mind-activity" - the patanjali's yoga-sutram occupies the second best sutram in our list. Patanjali has given precise definitions of several other psychological terms, which the modern academia is quietly accumulating into their own curriculum, but we will take his first as the best.

#1: धर्मार्थकामेभ्यो नमः | dharma-artha-kamebhyo namaH | 

Our top most sutram is not from diwali-sounding grammar rules or nuclear-fission like brahma-sutram. It is from a sage who condensed the human feelings of love into sutram format - by far the most innovative application of sutrams and challenging the traditions of his times. No kick-off mangala-sutram or slokam for this guy, and yet he dares to miss a leg of one of the "four pillars" of sanAtana dharma. He could have included the word "mokSha" in his sutram, no one would have cared, but his work is about human emotions and mokSha does not have a definite place.

For being practical, realistic, brazenly bold, innovative and perhaps a path-breaker of his times, Vatsyayana's sutram is the top most in our list of sutrams of the last 3 millenia.

Things may change soon in the next 3000 years, keep watching this space, and until then, dhanyavaadaH !

The varnas of frameworks

In one of the Samskritam classes, I threw a few words to the students and asked them to tell what the word means:

# Solution
Answers: a final result to a math problem; some kind of liquid; an answer to a puzzle;

# Angle
Answers: a math number in geometry; point of view; projection of a building;

# Direction
Answers: north, south etc; a guideline

If meaning of single word can change within a few years, think about works that separate the modern reader by thousands of years. For eg the word "awful" originally meant "full of awe", now it means exactly the opposite. "Nice" originally meant "ignorant", now its about being pretty. Without a context or without a domain knowledge, one cannot interpret a word correctly. If a single word could mean many things without a proper context, think about complete works. This is especially true of scientific works like yoga sutras, nyayas, tarka shastra etc.

Say when we are studying a thousand year old work, it is imperative to realize what we are not readily exposed to: cultural context, language, intended meaning of words or sentences, idioms prevelant in those times, technical terms peculiar to that domain and finally the thought process itself. Given already the gap, translation only makes it worse. Any translation passes through the bias faculty of the translator, however objective it be. The difference between truly understanding a translated work versus the original is like "you breathing" vs "some one else breathing for you".

Language translation, unfortunately is not a mathematical equation, where x = f-inverse(f(x))

Many words from Samskritam has been translated to English and accepted, yet when they are translated back to Samskritam, they yield a different result. For eg, chitta is translated to mind. manas also is translated to mind. But how will you translate "mind" back to Samskritam -> chitta or manas? Yoga has been translated to union, but is union translated back to Samskritam as Yoga?

One of the most misunderstood concepts of Hinduism is "caste". Obviously it has had a long history and there has been so many interpretations. Now what are the words used for caste in Samskritam? In Bhagavad-gita there is a reference, caaturvarNyam mayaa sRuShTam (The four *varNa*-s are created by me). There is also another word "jAti". Both of these words are translated to "caste" which immediately gives the context of societal caste hierarchy. In puruSha sUktam also we find the four categories mentioned, without mentioning the word varNa or jAti. But what is the context?

varNa is a concept of functioning of any non-homogenous group: data, control, presentation and implementation.

Computers: PC, Laptop, iPad: OS (Brahman), CPU (Kshatriya), Screen (Vaishya), Software (Shudra).
Operating System: Boot (Brahman), Kernel (Kshatriya), I/O (Vaishya), Services (Shudra)
Ethernet network: Data (Brahman), DNS controller (Kshatriya), Protocols (Vaishya), Mechanism to transfer data or Endpoints (Shudra).
Corporation: Advisory committee (Brahman), Executive committe (Kshatriya), Marketing (Vaishya), Employees (Shudra).
Government: Ministers (Brahman), Ruler/PM/President (Kshatriya), Departments (Vaisya), Employees (Shudra)
Even Socialism/communism, where all are perceived equal: Manifesto (Brahman), Politburo (Kshatriya), Propaganda (Vaishya), People (Shudra).

In a sense its like a fractal. You zoom in, as long as its non-homogenous the four core function groups are reflected.

And as you write your next web application using Model View Controller framework, remember it directly reflects the principles of the four varNa-s.

Model (Brahman), Controller (Kshatriya), View (Vaishya), Service (Shudra)

All the four should function per its own rules for the whole application to work. If one throws an exception, the user is angry.

So next time you write a controller code in model, or use controller in the service layer, remember: your code reviewer is waiting to reject it with the reason "Separation of Concerns principle is not followed". Now, now, don't you accuse her of casteism.

The Phonetic Bee

So there is a lot of news about how Indians excel in spelling-bee contests, remembering and recollecting words that will be used exactly once in every yuga. While I am all for the hardwork put by the kids and really appreciate their dedication, I feel there is something fundamentally missed.

The arbitrary phonetics of English is its weakest link and that has been exploited by every culture that speaks English, giving their own twists to the phonetics, which on the whole entails that all pronunciations are correct by their own standards. If the judge were from Arab country, he would ask to spell 'guedabans', if the judge were from Bengal, all a-s would be o-s and if he were from south india, you would have to spell his 'madam' as 'mmadamm'. And we could argue until the next solar eclipse who is correct. .

Meanwhile, a lot of American/British prime-time game shows are faithfully aped by Indian TV media, with a bit of cultural twist and a phenomenally generous dose of local accent. American Idol? There is an Indian idol (and even a Carnatic Idol!). Who wants to be millionaire? There is KBC. Daily show? Several desi versions exist. Stand-up comedies have become so popular which weren't a rage 20 years ago.

So here we imagine a group of game show producers discussing about 'inventing' the next big game show program for the fortunate Indian TV viewers.

(All conversations happen in desi accent)

Producer #1: Why don't we do a game show for spelling-bee?
Producer #2: Holy Eagle! That is a cool idea!
Producer #3: (critic voice) Really? And so what spelling we will use? British or American?
Producer #1: Why British, of course!
Producer #3: Are you sure? Actually, we are more like Americans. Shouldn't we use American spelling?
Producer #2: Basically, we can give both options - students can spell either American or British spelling.
Producer #1: What about Indian English spelling? That will give a desi twist to the game...
Producer #3: (thinking)... Yeah! thats a good idea too...

A waiter-boy enters.

Producer #2: Hey waiter boy, bring chai for all of us...

Waiter-boy goes to bring chai. Producers keep discussing various ideas from whom to cast to who will be the sponsors. Waiter-boy enters with chai.

Producer #1: I have an idea.. How about we do spelling bee in Sanskrit? That will give an uniqueness to our show and increase our TRP ratings...
Producer #3: But people would not understand...
Producer #1: That is not a real problem, people just want to sit in front of tv, no matter what... do you mean to say you understand all those English movies?
Producer #2: I agree that is a really cool idea, we should do spelling-bee in Sanskrit
Producer #3: Ok I give in, Sanskrit spelling-bee it is....

Waiter-boy: Sirs, if you dont mind me saying something, spelling-bee contests does not make sense in Sanskrit, because the announcer would have already spelled the word by uttering it. D-uh!

All producers blink at each other for a few moments. Uneasiness in the room.

Producer #1: What do you suggest?
Waiter-boy: I suggest instead of spelling bee, do a samAsa contest in Sanskrit.
Producer #3: What is a samAsa contest?
Waiter-boy: Instead of remembering words as-is, students would be challenged to analyze the relationship between the words. This is not just about memorizing anymore, but to develop analytical thinking during the contest.

They tip the waiter-boy, he goes away.

And so here is presenting you samAsa-bhramari, a unique TV show from the futuristic Indian TV!

Rules of the Game

• Amitabh Bacchan (or Rajinikanth for the South version) provides a samAsa and the student will break the word into constituent words, analyzing the relationship between the words.
• Vibhakti must be mentioned for answer acceptance.
• Bonus points for figuring out the dhaatu/ganaa, if any
• Extra bonus points for quoting the relevant Paninian sutra.
• If samasa-s have multiple answers, student can ask for a usage and the announcer will provide it.

So here goes the samAsA-s

maasapUrvaH - maasaat pUrvaH (a month before, 5th vibhakti)
chorabhayam - choraat bhayam (fear from thieves, 5th vibhakti)
vRukShamUlam - vRukShasya mUlam (root of the tree, 6th vibhakti)
rameshvaraH - multiple answers: (rAmasya IshvaraH, ramaH iva IshvaraH, ramaH yasya IshvaraH saH)
dIpaavalI - dIpaanaam aavaLIH (row of lights, 6th vibhakti, plural)

So as the students progress to higher levels, the complexity of samAsa increases too. The student is tested with the word sarasijanavadalavikasitanayanaH.

sarasi jaataa - sarasijA (lotus)
sarasijaayaaH nava dalaH - sarasijanavadala (new leaf of the lotus born in pond)
sarasijanavadalavikasita - vikasitA sarasijA (new leaf of the lotus that has just flowered in the pond)
sarasijanavadalavikasita iva nayana (the eyes which resemble the leaf of the flowered lotus in the pond)
sarasijanavadalavikasitanayanaH - (one who has the eyes which resemble the leaf of the newly bloomed lotus in the pond)

Answer: Krishna

Mr. Bacchan: Is that your final answer?

(Curtains)

Exaggeration by numbers

Crazy Mohan is one of the pioneers of modern Tamil comedy theater. A superb master of pun, his punch lines are remembered and oft quoted even after several years. Obviously puns and situtatioinal jokes do not appeal when translated, but here is a classic take on a hero vs villain encounter:

Villain: I will count till 10, if you dont do what I say...
Hero:    What will you do ?
Villain: I will count till 20 !

One of his best scripts however, is "Tenant commandments", also titled as "An own house becomes a rental house".

A middle-aged guy who is looking for a rental house asks the landlord's son for his name. The young son replies "Patthu". [Patthu has two meanings in tamil - a colloquial short form of the name Padmanabhan and the number 10]. The guy understands it to be "number 10" and says "Why name somebody as just '10'? Your parents could have named you as 110, 1010 or 1,00,010..."

Comedy happens by simply exaggerating a situation. In the train the other day, I overheard a mom and her daughter talking. Mom was mentioning some toy that costs about $20 and the lil girl exclaimed "$20 bucks, wow thats like a million dollars". Quite surely, every one must have heard this dialog or one might even remember saying that in childhood. The trend nowadays seems to be to say "a googol dollars", as my son realized that googol is 10 followed by 63 zeroes and 'infinity' is an overused word used by his friends for everything. Again, exaggeration comes as an element of surprise.

The vast difference between the take off of Greek/Roman and Indian science can be clearly perceived with the invention of zero. While the former could count all the way upto M, the Indians were simply adding zeroes to numbers at will. Once the art of power of zero was figured out by the Mathematicians, it was only an inevitable consequence that the Sanskrit kavi-s realized very early on, if one could get some puNya in one 'namaskara' to bhagavaan, they could easily get a factor of that puNya-namaskara by simply adding a sahasra, laksha or koti to it. So when they realized that was effective, another poet wondered why restrict to "koti" and does a "koti koti" namaskaram. Yet another poet totally unsatisfied with koti of a koti, lifts off the numerical upper limit and simply says "aneka koti" namaskaram.

Very interesting word, "aneka" that is. na + eka = aneka (not one -> implying many). Technically "not one". Contextually "several".

Exaggeration of numbers seems to have been built in Indian culture. It has been used to great effect for several different emotions - laughter, consolation, intimidation, surprise, frustration and so on.

In Ramayana, Hanuman seeks to console Sita by mentioning that there are crores of vAnara-s, the sheer number is enough to defeat Ravana. But you dont have to take Hanuman's word for it. There is a very interesting scene in Ramayana's yuddha kANDa. Ravana, a little perturbed at the arrival of Rama's army in Lanka, sends two of his spies - Sarana and Shuka to Rama's camp to find out the real number of monkeys. But Vibhishana captures them and takes them to Rama for punishment. But Rama, being an ideal king, cautions them and let them go. With that, Rama deals a psychological blow to Ravana. Killing them or capturing them would not only be adharma, but would have also enraged Ravana even more. Sarana and Shuka reach Ravana and start describing the sheer number and power of the vAnara-s.

After describing the powers of the major vAnara-s, Shuka concludes with this:

शतं शतसहस्राणाम् कोटिमाहु: मनीषिण: । शतं कोटिसहस्राणाम् शङ्कु: इति अभिधीयते ॥
शतं शङ्कुसहस्राणाम् महाशङ्कु: इति स्मृत: । महाशङ्कुसहस्राणाम् शतं वृन्दम् इह उच्यते ॥
शतं वृन्दसहस्राणाम् महावृन्दम् इति स्मृतम् । महावृन्दसहस्राणाम् शतम् पद्मम् इह उच्यते ॥
शतं पद्मसहस्राणाम् महापद्मम् इति स्मृतम् । महापद्मसहस्राणाम् शतं खर्वम् इह उच्यते ॥
शतं खर्वसहस्राणाम् महाखर्वम् इति स्मृतम् । महाखर्वसहस्राणाम् समुद्रम् अभिधीयते ॥
शतं समुद्रसहस्रम् ओघ इति अभिधीयते । शतं ओघसहस्राणाम् मह-ओघ इति विश्रुतः ॥
एवम् कोटिसहस्रेण शङ्कूनाम् च शतेन च । महशङ्कुसहस्रेण तथा वृन्दशतेन च ॥
महावृन्दसहस्रेण तथा पद्मशतेन च । महापद्मसहस्रेण तथा खर्वशतेन च ॥
समुद्रेन च तेनैव महौघेन तथैव च । एष कोटिमहौघेन समुद्रसदृशेन च ॥

"100 x 100,000 = 1 crore; 100 x 1000 crore = 1 shanku; 100 x 1000 shanku = 1 mahashanku; 100 x 1000 mahashanku =  1 vrunda; 100 x 1000 vrunda = mahavrunda; 100 x 1000 mahavrunda = 1 padmam; 100 x 1000 padmam = 1 mahapadmam; 100 x 1000 mahapadmam = 1 kharvam; 100 x 1000 kharvam = 1 mahakharvam; 100 x 1000 mahakharvam = 1 samudram; 100 x 1000 samudram = 1 ogha; 100 x 1000 ogha = maha-ogha. Thus surrounded by a thousand crore and a hundred shanku and a thousand mahashanku and a hundred vRunda and a thousand mahavRunda and a hundred padmam and a thousand mahapadmam and a hundred kharva and hundred samudra and a hundred mahaugha of monkey warriors, Sugriva is ready to wage the war with you. Knowing your enemy thus, may your effort be accordingly, O Ravana!"

So you see the power of numbers. Thats why when two people meet often they just say "namaskaram", but when they don't meet often, they simply add a factor to fill the gap and say "aneka koti namaskaram" (several crores of namaskaram). Although, you can get away with this usage in Indian vernaculars, attempting to greet somebody in English "One million hellos to you...", rather sounds embarassing.

Thats yet another point to drive, how translations only translate words and not the cultural quotient.